not my day..

ok here's the post that i've been wantin to post for super long..

i guess most of you people dont know me really well yet. you people referrin to those in TA.. im not the guy i always am. there's a deeper person within me that cares abt things.. is sensitive to lots of things.. being polite and showing basic courtesy.. sighs i dunno whats gotten into me.. its like.. oh well just nt my day today.

im gg to cut my hair. joemail didnt cut my tail off properly. he trimmed.. well maybe 2mm off. shucks how is tt supposed to help.. ok ok at first i thought it was acceptable.. and not so long.. till i went back home and checked it out..

anyway im gonna cut soon.. either i cut or i get screwed..

yup back to the post.. sometimes i may seem very heck-care. happy go lucky.. non emotional and non sensitive.. but i jus wanna let u guys know that i care about alot of things. im emotional all the time. sensitivity is something that has always been a part of me.

as the years go by.. from sec 1.. i was very over-reactive to alot alot of things. eg marshall's bad habits and all.. but as years go by i learn to accomodate the bad habits instead of judging them..

the years pass.. had a few girlfriends. some serious, some not.. the serious ones.. i dunno what happened.. i only rmb that in one, parental intervention.. another one.. left me.. others.. stupid reasons.. sighs.. and i regret all that.. now its so hard to gain yixiu's trust..

anyway.. im in no mood to blog abt the thing i wanted to blog abt.. and i totally forgot what it was abt anyway.. somethin to do with my experiences..

oh yes..

experiences. past experiences.. shant bring them up. life has been a road of big ups and big downs.. and after a while i begin to realise certain things.. bein depressed all the time doesnt benefit u in any way. getting hurt is just another way of life, live with it.. being flamed at, people have their reasons. why they dont like u, also have reasons. " too ap. too shitty. "

when u receive negative comments, please reflect on the comments. are they true or are they a piece of crap? think about it. put urself in someone elses shoes. do u deserve to be scolded?

dis morning, my hair. i deserved to be scolded. i learn frm my mistake and will go cut my hair soon..

precisely the point.. some people refuse to learn frm their mistakes. some people think they are always right. although they say, " no.. i dont believe im always right! " but when the time comes and they are being judged by others.. they stand up for themselves even if clearly they are in the wrong. they cock up excuses which will turn tables arnd..

when im hurt by remarks made.. be it friends or yixiu, i always try to keep it in.. like for everytime i din do something she wanted me to do.. i wld get her hurtful words.. and for eg today.. my mum came to pick me up frm VJ (delta dragons went there to train the VJ cheerleadin team..), yixiu was with me at VJ.. and when i had to go off with my mum.. i dno if she was jokin or not.. but she was like " no bye. go away." and all.. her tone didnt sound too serious but.. sighs even jokes hurt la..

imagine ur crippled.. and someone comes up to u, means it as a joke and says, "cant join us for a game of soccer? haha use ur crutches la."

u may not know how much it hurts. but deep down it really does..

and no matter how. i try my best not to show that im hurt.. because if i show it.. i know that u'll just become AP.. and go "fine! dao me. go away!" so i've stopped showcasing my emotions.. i prefer to tell u in private.. but yes.. emotions nowadays are being kept inside.. no longer shown.. im good at keepin my emotions in. but never good at describing emotions..sighs thats just me..

sometimes i will display emotions.. if im really THAT down.. sighs.. dno why.. i jus wanna keep u.. hold u in my arms and never let go.. tonight if they talk to u.. and ur heart.. well sways.. i dunno what to do.. what to expect... i really dunno.. but i hope that things stay the way it is.. and that we'll build this upside down pyramid.. ok?

hugs.. ok ok i feel better.. more abt this nxt time i feel like bloggin.. i love u!!

huggs.`eugene