reasons

irritable..
eye rings. (eww).
lethargic.
not enthusiastic AT ALL.
sleeping everywhere i go (thank god he wakes me up at mandarin gardens everytime i take bus home. thats the last stop.)
sleeping in lectures.
irritable.


all the above are?
results/effects.

now we all know in life we need to have an action to have a reaction. similarly, an effect is brought about by a cause. what's the cause for all the above mentioned?

i dont have no insomnia. in fact, i am sleep deprived. but. why?


i refuse to reveal dreams. i refuse to reveal thoughts that haunt me every single time i walk back home at night.

i refuse to reveal the ideas that pop into my mind everytime i see that shadow. my own shadow.


the cat which did a matrix attack. tonight i was walking back and a bat swooped down on me. not only that. another one was chasing it. the cats were staring at me.

and i was alone.

the mosque. had something covered. something big. covered in blue cloth. but there was a white thing on top of it. at first i thought it was cloth too. then i realised that there were black strands.

"u know what that looks like. it sure looks like a head to me." my heart beat. faster. and faster. and the cats followed. and i ran. and i opened the door. not looking back i slammed it shut.

and the horror was just beginning. the bats flew overhead. as if my shadow was not enough to scare me to hell..

prayer in tongues works. but at times like this i forget to pray in tongues. the only words that are coming out of my human mouth are "Holy Shit get me f*cking outta here." and "outta here" repeats.

the image that came into my mind while waiting for the lift. scared me to hell. the images that the devil puts into your minds. insecurity. hell. burning. maggots. a living inferno.

what else can i say? no wonder i don't sleep well when i imagine a lady floating behind me whenever i brush my teeth. or two hounds pouncing on me the moment i step out of my bathroom. or a man carrying his head staring at me and laughing while i go to the kitchen to get water at night.


now you know. why i am afraid. why i dont blog. why i cant sleep. why i am irritable. why i am all that above. and i need my jesus. and i need you. dont leave me like this. i need someone.

and here comes an image. even as i type this i imagine a shadow creeping up from behind me stabbing me in the back. how to sleep u tell me?