just random thoughts.

I've decided to type in proper english from now onward, to improve on the quality of my writing before Mr Marcus Tan starts to insult it again..

=) I'll still be using smileys though, so thats an exception..

I only have one thing to say to people tagging on my board.. You guys are right I am a shit and stuff. All I have to say is that even shits have their good points and such. If I were such a shit I would be abandoned by every single one of my friends.

Sometimes when ur criticising somebody you concentrate on his/her negative points and tend to neglect his/her positive ones.. Thats just natural.. I'm dont study rhetoric or something so maybe my argumentative skills are "thumbs down" but I'm here to say where I stand.

In any case, I apologise for being overly harsh. I guess I was being protective of Yixiu.. And well yes I was in a bad mood and my entry was definately a result of these two when fused.

By the way, "give the dog a bad name and hang him".. Well maybe I'm full of negative points.. No good ones at all.. So in this case, all of us in the world are liars? Do all of us need anger management? Just because we got angry or lied more than 10 times? I've had many second chances and I truely do believe this second chance is indeed the second chance, emphasis on the "THE". Its up to the public what they believe and such, but who are you to live my life and criticise it? Can you live my life better than me? I have reasons when I make decisions. Everyone lives to be a better person, don't you?

[Relating the above topic to academic studies]
All of us have a goal, to students: get good grades and move to a higher level of education, or move into a different society, also known as work.
Why are some students unable to achieve good grades? They don't know how to? There definately will be the minority who DONT WANT to get such grades, but most of us? When we study so hard yet achieve mediocre grades.. Have we ever wondered why? Do we always discard it and say, "I didn't study hard enough this time.." I believe it has to do with how we study, and what we study. There can be a test on chapters 1,2,3 and 4 and when you study chapter 4 the entire time, your so well versed with chapter 4, but only 5% of the test comprises of chapter 4.. And thus you fail..

[Relating to life]
Sometimes we all want to achieve our goals in life.. Who doesn't? I'm no expert in life, I don't study human psychology, but I believe I am entitled to my own views on life, as a human I'm born with a mind and a mouth. What people say may affect me, what people say may not affect me. What my mind thinks, my mouth projects. I can filter the output definately, but ultimately what comes out is what I think.. And I believe that every single one of us has our own rights to our own views, being human. Arguments come about when two or more views disagree with each other. People take sides and begin to criticise the other view, and ultimately one side will lose, or the argument will just drift off..

I don't like to argue, and neither do I like to live in war. I want to live a peaceful life. No more arguments..

Wise men say love is blind. Not true, I say that too. Love empowers u. It drives you. When I say "Love is blind." Blind, what blind? Blind physically? Blind emotionally? Blind to the person's physical outlook? Blind to the latter's character? It may be both, or one. If a guy were to marry a disabled woman, crippled, blind, disfigured somehow, is he, too, blind? In this case, I believe Yixiu is BLIND. Thats right. BLIND. But blind to different things. Blind to my deeds and character. She loves me PAST those things I did. Don't ask me how I know this. It's called faith.. Faith in our love. Faith that she loves me as I love her. Past all her character and attitude.. Past the decisions that she makes which I don't like. I love her past those things. Its the PERSON you love. Not his/her actions. If the person's actions can change your heart, your not loving the person my friend. Your love is for his/her actions. Some actions bring out the person's heart, some are just a formality. This, I leave to the public to ponder. What is love?

Once again, everyone is entitled to his/her own views. You may argue with me on it, but its because we share different views, and most of the time, our views contradict. This sparks off an argument.. I won't move you from your view, but I will try to do my best to influence you. my view may not be the best. No one can define the best view. Who can? If you have a view, it's YOUR view.. Not many can change it.. But you believe in your own stuff.. Go ahead =) I'm not stopping, I'm just informing..

If you disagree with my views, or my actions, and I bet some of you even hate me out there, hear my plea. Unless you know me, [I repeat, KNOW, not KNOW OF.] please keep your views to yourself.. What you hear may not necissarily be true? [This goes to me too.] Consider the probability. Do you know the person well enough to make a judgement?

My judgement in the previous entry may not be the perfect judgement. And sure, some of you may go with my judgement, that's because you have no views and have picked mine up because I make sense with the facts that i perceive. Yet my facts may not be right.. And unless you are fully informed and involved in the situation, your facts will NEVER be right. I'm not saying that my entry is a perfect one.

I'm going to contradict myself with this entry, yes I know. But when you're angry and hurt by comments made by other people, you don't analyze the full facts anymore. You just blog what you feel.. And may/may not live to regret saying it in the first place.. Your feelings are YOUR feelings. All of us are different. No matter how similar we may be, no two people will have same feelings. Thus disagreements are definately in the air.. And maybe the people who tagged were angry. Maybe they still are? But yes.. I owe Vanessa an apology. Sometimes a sorry won't change anything.. And sometimes when you apologise, other people take it so cynically.. And they think you're just trying to redeem yourself. How can you redeem yourself once you have made your stand? But I apologise because I want to say sorry that I was so harsh. And maybe I was angry over somethings..

I guess my apology won't be accepted by most, but I don't want any hard feelings either.. If I bump into Vanessa in the streets one day, I want to be able to say hi, shake hands, sit down, have a coffee and catch up.. Not give cold stares and just look away.. Pretending we don't know each other..

I don't wish to make enemies in any case.. So there, I've made my stand.. =)

Sighs. Tomorrow I'll have to wake up at 6 again.. To serve in the hokkien service.. Finally! The DM2000 is up and working.. And it's pretty cool =).. Some terms going to be mentioned are probably going to be alien to you readers, but let me blog? =).. Just last night I serving in bible study.. First time.. And I couldnt believe this.. I came face to face with a Yamaha PM5D. Man!! The ONE AND ONLY in the entire of Singapore. $100k. SUPER COOL!!! =) Man maybe digital boards aren't perfect for providing live sound in the rock auditorium.. But I wanna replace our FOH mixer with the PM5D. The analog PM3000 can go to monitor. Haha.. In any case, our hokkien service's 01V is out of order.. Shan't talk about it.. But hey! If the church could, why not pass it to us? LOL.. MJ! You can finally have your "monitor console" on stage. =) The 01V.. Or maybe using at morning assembly? Digital mixers are soo fun I tell you. =))

Anyway, time to get some rest.. Man ever since the Delta cheerleading thing.. I caught Varun wrongly.. Mann my back has been breaking ever since.. When I bend down I can no longer stand up immediately.. It hurts a lot yeah.. Mummy bring me to auntie mei er. =)

OH YES! How could I forget? =) Thanks to Yixiu, Ahmad, Joshua and me are performing this coming Friday at the Delta house function.. Well at least we're having our auditions tomorrow.. I hope we get in.. "Ever first TA band to perform in an official TJC event. Voyeur - Ahmad, Joshua and Eugene." well.. Not fully TA.. Haha Varun backed out so I thought of getting Joshua in.. He's less busy than Ming Jie.. Well =) all the best to me =)..

And dear, don't worry about me.. I can handle emotional trauma.. I'll be just fine ok? Thanks for all your concern.. I love YOU. =)..

`eugene lim. (c)2005