somethings wrong.

something is definately wrong with me. what is it?

i've become so much more short tempered recently. pissed off at everything in fact. nothing seems to make me happy anymore. laughing doesnt neccessarily indicate happiness. laughter is there to hide. to conceal the unhappiness deep down inside.

tonight was the first time i got angry at u. sorry dear.. i really really am. sigh i dunno why. i say i can cope with this stress. i mean everyone gets the same amount of stress isnt it? i dont see why i cant cope with the same amount as everyone else does? oh sure there's that civics rep thing. the house comm thing.. but those two dont add much do they? and then there's you.. but how much stress is there? man i used to be so ideal at containing all this stress. so rarely i'd blow up. [is that true?] but i havent been so.. worked up in a long time.

i feel like something down there is just breaking apart. tearing my guts out. what that something is.. i dont really know. but there's something not right with me. i feel it. just cant express it. as always. i keep on telling myself. " i can cope. i can cope. i can cope. "

what is true anymore? am i believing a lie? have i always been believing a lie? what am i believing in? is this reality? am i in a dream? why is there the expression WORLDS apart when there is only one world? if i am living simultaneously in another world, how do u measure the distance of those two worlds? worlds apart. miles apart more like it. im just shooting questions at myself. why cant i cope just as everyone does? or is everyone facing the same problem as i am. can all of u cope? tell me. is life that hard to live? i believe there are people worse off than me. i shouldnt be grumbling about this here. i should be grateful i have everything i ever wanted. but no. im not doing that. im grumbling about things that i want. what do i want? eventually. what is the aim of this all? life itself .what am i aiming for? fame? fortune? money?

i dont get it. why am i feeling this. i shall plan for tomorrow and make it the BEST day u ever had..

*gee im broke. i dont know what to say.. but dear im sorry i got angry jus now.. i got a feeling that u didnt like it either.. im so sorry sweetie.. pls dun stay angry at me? for my sake? am i forgiven in your eyes? im so so sorry......

..traeh ym lla htiw uoy gnivol < mwacckkkkks. sleep tight..