F[ed]-up ness.

what am i to do. i'm feeling all stupid and stuff. i dont know why.

back quite long ago. i used to be perfect at controlling stress. laugh it off was what i'll always do. i guess that method doesnt work anymore.. no more laughing. haha grown up already. is that the reason? i dont get it. i really dont. ><.

i feel so odd all of u sudden. what the hell is this. stress? pressure? tomorrow is first month anniversary. been hell of a month for me and her. yes im happy with her. extremely. but why am i so stressed out over tomorrow? just go, buy the thing, then go meet her.. whats so damned difficult? am i a stupid wimp. a pathetic one at that? cannot go anywhere alone. thats what i realised. i depend too much on others. i am pissed off at myself. what the hell. why cant i just do this alone for ONCE. what the shit.

for a peculiar reason. i dont think i'll be very alright tomorrow morning. or afternoon in fact. i feel stupidified. wayy stupidified. jet lag. whatever u wanna call it. fucked up. pms. dao. act dao. being an asshole. pretending to be an asshole. no no. jerk whatever.

ok that was enuff ranting. was it? i just.. dont know why im so easily agitated these few days. everything and anything that gets in my way just gets brushed off. i laugh. so hard. i mean. its so hard for me to laugh anymore. no more giggling in class. loud laughter. *beautiful concept*. yeah right. im a deprived fool. depressed? maybe. why. reasons are flooding my mind but are too private to jot down here. jealousy is one. but hey. i cant be stressed. if everyone else can handle the work load, why cant i? i used to be so good. what the hell happened. ahh time. tiime's up. i need to go.

oh yes. a big happy birthday to a good friend. one of my best bros. hey josh. ^5. seem so much older than me already. happy birthday man. i hope i have a happy birthday.