i feel so useless

yeah i feel so useless. the investiture is tomorrow and i haven't found my long silver sc badge. the one with my name on it. why? i don't know. i simply misplaced it i guess. of all things to misplace, i misplace that one with my name on it. good job.

and worse still, i found things i shouldnt have. i've never had such emotions incurred simply by looking at a stack of letters before, not such intense emotions of disgust and of.. hatred, maybe? basically it was a really unpleasant feeling when i glanced upon the stack of letters. the eww-ness of it all. if i read them i'd probably cry. cry for wasting all my time. cry for doing things i should never have done, and cry for not doing the things i should have done.

but shit. i can't find the badge. i'm going to be sooo screwed. i guess i'll have to wear kumaran's one? or something. it'll just be so screwy. no offence to kumaran. i just feel really weird wearing someone else's badge. nothing personal, just that i miss my badge. well somehow yeah i do.

nooo. come back to me.