im home early.

for once.. xiu slept early tonight i guess.. called but no reply. sms but no reply.. taken that she's fallen asleep..

woot. time for me to catch up on my sleep.. been accompanying her until she sleeps everynight.. i dont realise the toll it has taken on me until lionel kept pestering me since last week or two weeks ago. kept saying i looked very tired. then today he finally told me that im really tired. he has seen a different me before; one not so tired..

man i really dont know i'm so tired. maybe i do know la. maybe i have mentioned it before/blogged it before but i dont remember. i shld just shut this blog down and make a private one. i kept so many diaries in the past. i just want a space to write whatever i want to. this is the only reason why i blog. not for the fulfillment of others.

here's the reason why i blog- when i blog i dont think what i say. i just say what i say. this gets me into trouble, well sometimes. but my main purpose to blog is to let off steam; cool down when things happen. i used to have written diaries, but i found them ineffective due to the speed i write, and the speed i type. in comparison, i feel better after blogging rather than after writing. after writing i feel much more constrained and limited. with the miracle of a keyboard i feel so liberal..

this is likely to be the last post in a long time, in the meanwhile im in search of a private blog in which i will blog my very own entries without public eyes seeing. in order for me to take a place in the calmness of society. i bottle things up alot. well is bottling up and tolerating the same thing? cos if it is then yes, i bottle things up and tolerate alot. thus a blog is good for releasing steam..

i need a private blog.

plus, xiu- we're talking abt two different subjects here. yes i deleted the post that i wrote last night. cos i was wrong. but i'm saying that u were wrong in certain aspects too, in which i shall not disclose to prevent discontent. yes i was wrong in publishing the post. too tired. too sleepy? but i felt super super super bottled up with no one to talk to; not even you. i was just so kept within and so stressed out. i once said that i was never stressed out.. i handle stress in a different way. why do i play guitar? why do i own blogs? why do i enjoy listening to music? why do i simply enjoy sleeping? thoughts-

yes.. memories of playing a guitar.. a classical guitar.. nylon stringed, its the softest musical instrument anyone could find... but no.. its texture.. nevermind im just being eccentric. a nylon guitar.... im just obsessed with the past.

i acknowledge my mistake.

-in search of new blog.

cya blogspot. (: