woken up by a stomach ache

i got woken up by a stomach ache, only to find one thing - that i'm a damned stupid idiot.

who ask my phone to be on silent mood? tucked away somewhere which i couldnt find? shit. im so dumb. the phone was just there! yet i felt no vibration, heard no call, and didnt wake up to the call.

yet, the first thing i did when i woke up was to question myself. the questions that i stated. i'm a harsh guy when it comes to dealing with myself.

why are u so so so dummmb!!

But yes, sadly to say, thats the truth. I'm dumb, without Jesus i'd be the dumbest and most absent-minded kid on earth. well in MY earth at least. u wanna bet on that?

I put her into ur hands Lord, knowing that she'd be well taken care of by You. Lord situations when i cannot handle, situations where things can go out of control, Lord situations when i dont know what to do, you know Lord. so lord guide me by ur mighty hand. teach me how to be a better man. change and mould me; away with all of my past mistakes.. away with every single one of them because i know i'm forgiven- learn from my mistakes, do not commit them once more.

i'm doing my best. i really am. it doesnt show but soometimes it does tire me out. physically and mentally drained.. im not saying that im the only one. im saying that i, too, face such problems.. that i'm no superman.. that there are times where the urge to sleep at 8pm and never wake up comes up.. im saying that im only human. i'm only human.

as clement said on sunday, i scold u also no point la, the damage has been done already. lets find a way to minimize the damage- THAT is grace. relief swept over me and i swore never to make the same mistake again.. yet he spoke to me that i have certain challenges.. well personally, i dont know about this.. but are these called challenges? maybe.. maybe not? i've never really regarded them as such until sunday..

how ironic it is that i have a draft post lying stagnant in my blogger dashboard. it's all about the limitations of human beings,

and i'm just another one of them. another confused young one, not knowing the path, not knowing the right way to go. not knowing what's good and whats not. i'm just one little boy in this 4 million population which is just a fraction of the world's population. so small. who'd care about me?

yet i know the answer to that. God cares .. past everything god will always be there.. dear, u would too right? even though im just a minor minority?

and now this confused boy is back to his history homework which he left behind when he fell asleep. dumbest thing to do. shit.

eugene-
0333hrs