stupid stupid FUCK YOU EUGENE

FUCK how could someone be sooooooo stupid u tell me HOW?!

I KNOW HOW. LOOK AT ME. ME ME ME ME ME. STUPID BASTARD!

she called and talked and talked about love. what the fuck was i thinking? "she's trying to make a fool of me.. torture me into playing.. getting into her trick.. and much as i wanted to say "yixiu, i love u.. and.. i never wanted to let u go.. i dont want to let u go.. will u be mine once more?" MUCH as i wanted to say that.. i didnt. i thought it was a trick. im off. i was havin a splittin headache and i didnt think. HOW COULD SHE BE TRICKING ME?!?! what. if i asked her to stay.. wld she have said " ur an idiot. go away. shoo i dont want to talk to you. i dont need eu. " and hang up? STUPID ME SHE WOULD NEVER SAY THAT.

but i didnt ask i never asked i didnt tell her how much she meant how much i loved her.
i didnt say once more to reaffirm. i didnt tell her that she was the only one who made me feel so loved. so so so loved. and yet now the only person i love. hates me. why? because i didnt take the chance. i didnt take the chance FUCK YOU I FUCIN DIDNT TAKE THE CHANCE NOW UR HAPPY?! i idnt do it and i regret. I WANT TO DIE that was on impulse and out of rage. dying is the last solution and shld nv be resorted to unless u have loansharks after ur balls. pls dont die. pls pls dont kill me. im dying on the inside will u stop telling me how sucky i am.. i dont want to know how sucky i am.. i want u to tell me how much u love me how much u need me.. i want to know out of ur mouth with affirmation.. with sincerity.. to know that u love me and that i will make the rght choice.. nv to make wrong choices EVER again.. to love u now and forever. do we have what it takes?

by right u left me.. i didnt say good bye.. i didnt want to leave in the first place..

-i shld be asking u. "why shld i be making everything right again? is it my fault that u wanted me to leave u? to go away? u shld be sayin sry and that wld make everything right.. compromise.."

but no.. i didnt ask that.. i dont want u to be sorry.. i want u to be full of love. love for me love for God..

all i need is a smile from you.

your smile makes this perfect.. " hugs its okay my dear.. everything's over now.. im back in ur arms once more.. and im sorry for what happened.." i want to hear this.. and i want u back in my arms..

"cos it hurts me so just to see u go, arnd with someone new... everytime u do that thing u do.."

i dont want to see u with another guy.. call me selfish.. but i want u to myself and myself only.. i want u my dear i only want u.. i only need u.. and i will get u back. i will get u back. no matter what it takes..

*guys. im sry abt my guitar.. well maybe im nt selling it.. but hey im still open to negotiation.. sigh i love my guitar so much. i never parted with it before.. and yet im willing to sell it. i dont want it i just want you.. if there's someone wilin to pay $420 for a pacifica 112j, tell me. i'll sell to him, then go to davis guitar and buy a new guitar PLUS pedal this time..


DEAR I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT NO MATTER WHEN NO MATTER HOW I STILL LOVE YOU...
`will euu come back to me?