oh fuck it

oh fuck it

man today. was a stupid day. dunno since when i've felt so lousy

woke up, abit late. shoewer, did my hair. at least my hair was nicer today. not bad. one good thing.
reached sch, morning assembly. mr tong had to scold us. negative pt. one bad thing. then mr goh. torture. negative point. minus like 5 or 6. then ms ng. cheered up a lil. ok. good pt. plus 2. then LA. neutral. math neutral. aft sch. forgot wtf happened le.

b4 gg to temasek rmb that tmr have sc campfire. tasc nids to put up a performance so i gonna play accidentally in love by counting crows. fucking hell if ur going to criticise me then GO AHEAD. cb. like i give a DAMN/.

so settled in sch stuff [followed dear to go find mr cheng] then went to tms. onli to be screamed at by germaine. nvm nvm i took it lightly. minus 0.5. cos i got a lil pissed. then went to siglap mac to eat. fuck left germ behind. had to stop one stop after. then like wait for her. then valerie was with her dis time. so me mj joshua val and germ went to mac to eat. then talk abit. then the 2 dunno what stupid sec 2 bastards wanna show attitude FUCK OFF. minus 1.

[btw dear was at e hydroponics fieldtrip. man e last time i went there. was kinda sianned.. but i hope she "enjoyed" it. my sunflowers havent grown yet.]

aft that went to suntec with mj. pleasant bus ride. plus 1. then reach there got taught by lionel. monitor rm. more abt monitor rm. i like monitor rm. plus 1. then stage. and stuff. and then went to overflow rm where i learnt more abt e 01V96. nt bad. i liked it. plus 1. then stuff happened. then talked to lionel. plus 1 cos lionel was funny. aiya. lionel himself. plus 5 la ok. then mj there also plus 5. ok. so good. nice day. jus that i nv elaborate on bad pts. dun wanna remember the bad things. bad mood bad temper bad everything.

i dno wtf la. like. tmr have to perform. den i havent even learn the bridge part.

[im in love, (im in love)
im in love ( im in love)]

sighs. how. i dn wanna screw this up. then SHIT still got e open house proposal due on thurs or smt. ahh fuck got tests like siao. i havent even touched a single piece of fuck la. im so screwed ok. unless i start like. now. shit la.. man this is no time to talk to me. this is no time to murder me frm inside. this is no time to self-kill urself. get a grip of urself eugene. if u wanna like appear so pathetic do it during e hols. this will affect ur studies and ur ability to mix on sunday. OH FUCK SUNDAY. i have to setup. thank god mj is there to help. jesus christ. save my ass.

hard times. come and go. i shall take things with a smile. who the HELL am i kidding. smile? smile my ASS. look at my ass u think it's smiling? CHRIST. common sense. and im GOING TO SUE SHELL. i bought soupy snax. and i rmb buying e chicken one. ALL OF THEM WERE CORN EXCEPT FOR 2 HOT AND SPICIES and 1 MUSHROOM. god damn it. like got 4 packs of corn fuck in there le. nonsense shit. they mixed the fuck up. nvm

let me like rant abit. dun get pissed at my entry. i wanna make a private blog. till then jus lemme use this blog to like scream and shout all my feeligns out.

its like.

i dun wanna go anywhere tmr. i dun wanna go tuition mummy. i swear im going to SLAP the fucking teacher whoever the hell he is. new guy at ur centre? poly yr 2? teaching me chem. christ for god's sake he better be worth ur money before i take my guitar and STUFF IT UP HIS CANDY ASS. the nxt thing that goes in after my guitar is my amp. and then marshall can go in.

u know how much i hate tuition mum. i cant forget e hours i spent at ur centre. happy. sad feelings. all there. like a 2nd home. but . what. i dunno why. uncle raymond is an ASSHOLE ok. i know uncle daniel doesnt like him too much either. neither do u. and i understand why u keep quiet all e time abt him. its to prevent internal quarrels. and. ahh i dno. i jus wanna like get run over by a car. or better drop frm a plane into a bed of spikes. so that i have a few minutes to say my last words. and then a few mins to think abt my life. if i fulfilled it or not.

STUPID ME. i havent. i stll have to work. broker here i come. then when im a full time broker. im going to apply for engineering then go further into sound engineering. gosh. my career plan all planned out. NUS here i come.

jesus. i better start to fucking practice before i totally screw up tmr. i hate myself. screw life screw me. screw everything. its a sianned day. like joshua said. SIAN IS THE WORD. joshua left us at lunch cos he was sian. he looked more pissed and angry than sian. i think i am more pissed and angry than sian too. pissed and angry at myself. go away me. eugene can go to hell and no one would care. christ save me.

i need to sleep. denial. whatever that is. im just goin to reflect. maybe i shld take a walk. i'll decide. i wanna just go t the beach. sigh. i cant. i cant do so many things i wanna do. so many. jus not accomplished. where's my legacy that i set out to setup when i was sec 1. i said by i was sec 3. my legacy would be there. long pants. then sec 4 can re-inforce. but huh. is there a legacy with my name on it. nvm i dun blame mj for anything.

i blame myself for eerything. the blame is always on me alright. not always. im contradicting. ah whatever, i take the blame. i take the heat. i take the consequences. everything i will absorb. lets hope i can be productive tmr. more productive, at least. God. i knw u will get me outta this. i thank you. and eugene can just get lost and let god take over now. becos he has screwed his life enough. time for god to take over and use eugene to make everything right again.

releasing control of myself means having no means to control everything. when ur nt in control u arent put in blame for anything. then why the fuck do i always want to be in control. why do i enjoy taking the blame for things my crew did wrong in sec 2. why do i enojy being so sadistic. those marks on my arms are pinches btw. but no. u gotta snap outta it. fuck u man snap outta it. this is not ime to be depressed and like sicka nd all. ur tasc is counting on u to perform for them tmr or they are screwed and have no campfire performance. thats PATHETIC. gosh. save my nipples. just like screw me and dump be by the road. i may feel better aft that.