u want an explanation?

for ur info yeah i didnt break up with steffi for the dhs girls. neither of em alright? so they're not involved.

did it occur to u guys to wonder why.. she had what, 5 or 6 ex boyfriends including me? when i only have.. err. 4 including her? oh yeah she's one yr younger too.

oh well i guess i really shouldnt be bothering abt these problems. yeah. u want an explanation? or what. i'll just give u an explanation alright? i dont know why i broke up but i guess it had to do with personal problems. im nt really in favour to disclose but yeah im jus going to do it b4 i start regretting.

steffi's getting all the blame? well den i wonder who's perfect idea it was suggesting that i was 3 timing ya? that would make it my fault wouldnt it. and yeah shit, u wanna diss my meimei please for goodness sake, either get to know her better first or just dont do it here can. she's alright. jus a lil funny at times. so?

why i broke up eh? problems surface dont they? family problems. financial, emotional and shit like that. i dont think u guys have the right to tell me off or tell me what to do, when ur not in my shoes, im sorry but yes i think no one can lead his/her life better than himself/herself. thats what i believe. if u think u can run MY life, then im welcome to all the suggestions u have. cos i have absolutely no idea where im going to be 10 years down the road. oh gee. did i say 10 years? i dont even know what to do when i reach J1. courses in the university? what university even. thats... 7 years down the road? 6? im in this car, driving it in this line, just avoiding any obstacles that come in my way, not knowing where im gonna go. just cant stand it when people tell me what to do with my life can? can YOU run MY life better than i do?

sudden break-up? christ i had asked her once before but i couldnt bring myself to do it alright? ask her. and yeah i figure i'd be hurting her more if we continued like that. i dont wanna get involved anymore. fangming's my cousin and vanessa's the pillow. whats wrong with all of u. cant i have close friends? why are "friends" limited by gender?

back to topic, i dont think u guys.. understand do u? have u seen ur parents arguing before ur very eyes? maybe u have. its sorta common. but arguments that include ur grandparents. where we, the children, are torn apart. to side. siding in a family is hard. ever heard ur parents cry? it hurts to hear mom crying u know. about cash? that fking hurts even more. have u like. experienced times when ur father is scolding ur grandparents? for something that my dad did wrong? my grandpa was clearing the table getting ready for dinner, and my dad just screamed at him saying that dinner's not ready. this sparked a chain of emotions, a chain of problems. i just wanna help my family solve my problems.. i dont wanna care about anything else sometimes.

u know how hard it is to support a family? lets see. 2 grandparents, 2 parents, 2 children, one maid who's also part of the family. she's been with us since i was born and we're real close. my mom. she's working, but. her centre.. she told me the other day in private that.. they have been having talks abt it being closed down. daniel just.. wasnt committed enough? and so lack of teachers. so they had talks abt closing. its like my 3rd home can? pri 6 and sec 1 been going there everyday aft school. to help. to create trouble with marshall. what are we going to talk about when we grow up? memories. what memories? if my mom's centre closes down, she has her family business. quarries eh. not bad. can la. but 7 people in a family. 2 growing children. how? difficult. my hp bills alone. how about food and all that. maan.

some problems grow. they grow. but parents dont reveal them. so to me, im being hit by big problems. sudden big problems. if ur going to tell me off, tell me what to do, im sry i cant stand that. when YOUR parents start arguin over this sorta stuff, start cryin over this shit, then u tell me what to do.

not enough explanation? then take it as i dont like her anymore. take it as she's just not my type. what, tagging anoymous messages on tagboards? at least ur two friends put their names. i dont really disagree, just that mabe it could be less harsh. everyone's trying to be a better person in this life, who the hell doesnt wanna improve and be a better person. he/she's either stupid or doesnt know what's good. lets guess.. phin siew and chantelle or smt? lets just face it. these relationships dont last. they just dont alright? lets just say that i broke up due to personal problems. with her or with my family. but please dont drag the dhs girls in. they're two of my best friends. not anything special.

im so suddenly worried for my future. maybe a bit far, but.. what am i going to become? a failure? loser? lump of shit? am i going to be begging at orchard road? i can hardly imagine myself fulfilling my dream. taking my MTV Asia award as top lead guitarist of the year. thats my dream. stupid? people have dreams. but.. sadly my father. wouldnt agree i guess.

my great-grandpa opened a shop during the WWII. it lasted. my grandpa was in the rubber trading industry. commodities and stuff.. my dad is now in the financial line too. back office in SIMEX yes? dealing in futures, calls, puts, commodities and such. not sure abt stocks. but he's this floor manager thing. dont know what that means but if he receives a midnight call, yes he has to go back to office. he knew when things were gonna happen before they were on the news. the trading graphs would just plunge and you'd know what was going on. one might say he's smt like a broker. smt more maybe. lets get back to topic. me. how? my dream is to be in a world famous band. sum 41? busted? simple plan? alterbridge? good charlotte..

i wanna be steve vai II. mike tremonti II. u should see these guys do their stuff man. steve vai plays for steve vai. his band. www.vai.com and mike tremonti is lead guitarist for alterbridge. brownsound from sum 41. goshh. will i be one of them? or will i be another fella in the trading pit. SGX? SIMEX? my future.. everything. im going to be supporting a family. oh well there's time for that. now. that was my explanation.